MIss Judgementy Judgement pants, small dogs, roads and children

Hoyden about Town has this post about shoving kids and dogs in the car from the footpath side for safety, instead of from the driver's side for convenience.

I would like to add that it is not a good idea to give Very Small Children control of several Very Small Dogs on extendable leashes near Very Busy Roads while you are talking on a mobile phone and not actually paying attention to what your Very Small friends and relations are doing. Because when the Very Small Dogs lurch out on the road from between parked cars, the Very Small Children will not evaluate the situation and sensibly decide what to do but will immediately run out onto the road in pursuit of the dogs.

Which is not nice if you happen to be in the car driving along the road at that particular time. But luckily the person driving my car (who was my Dad) noticed. Which the mother did not, because all her attention was on her phone call. It may have been a Very Important phone call, indeed, it probably was. But surely she could have stayed safe in the grounds of the school until she had finished rather than exposing children and dogs to risk of death. I guess she will not have learned her lesson, because she didn't notice that her dogs and children were on the road. One of the other children dragged them all back.

I guess if my Dad had been driving at the speed limit rather than considerably under it and if he had been looking the other way she would have learned her lesson, and we would all be having a Very Bad Day indeed today. I hate close calls.

Organising the perfect party, or in which the Age is annoying

The Age is running this article on how to organise the perfect party. I like to hear about people having a nice time, so I clicked on the linkie (despite the b00bies in the picture which pissed me off, because the article is not titled, 'how to show a lady's b00bies for no good reason', but if I got angry every time the Age had a pointless b00bie picture I'd be angry all the time. Oh I am angry all the time about that. The Age, you should do better). Anyway, the article is actually about how to buy boring matching plates and taking your boring plates to the florist so you can get matching boring flowers. That you pay lots of money for, I guess. Apparently if anyone gets the odd plate it will Ruin Their Night.

All I can say is that Age lifestyle journalists must be attending and hosting very boring parties these days, and if you get invited to a party by an Age lifestyle journalist I would suggest you politely decline.

If I was organising a perfect party this is what I would like:

• guests who are funny and a little bit competitive but not too competitive, so you can have plenty of amusing anecdotes flying but everyone gets to finish their sentences
• outdoorsyness
• food with protein in it
• lots of water available (either for drinking when thirsty or for using in waterpistols)
  
• children who can entertain themselves in the backyard
• grownups who can entertain themselves in the backyard
  
• icypoles
• music that comes on vinyl with things like 'Brazil' and '66' on the cover. But not including Bob Dylan and 66 (unless the party has already been going for a very long time and is nearly over)
• fruit
• people who like to sing along (but not competitively for this, please). People who like to sing the Love Boat theme are particularly welcome)
• Parlour Games available if needed, with a suitable number of guests willing to play parlour games and be quite competitive indeed
• a friendly and very old neighbour who enjoys a party
• a jazz band
• diverse beverages
• things that the guests enjoy eating, drinking and doing.

See, tableware just doesn't really come into it.

In which we find homework that is due today, today.

Or, in which being a parent and a child is equally much a drag, and in which being a primary school teacher is also probably pretty irritating.

Also the kid is having an MRI today, which is a bit daunting, and he is also having one tomorrow. As a family I think we would be grateful for another medical-free period for six months or so. And also a homework free period. It is lucky that it is nearly school holiday time and the husband will come back and the kid can laze about reading as much as he wants with not adverse consequences.

However, on the upside, the silverbeet is looking very vigorous and none of the new plants have died yet so there is thyme and tomatoes and basil and rocket to look forward to. If only we had a buffalo and and olive tree we'd be totally set.

Wanda Linda

As she says, I am just not in the mood. And also shut up shut up shut up. I think I need a time out.

The kid is sulking in my bed, but it's a well-earned sulk, I think.

The other family member

You can find out what the husband is up to at Strange in Vietnam.

Noises

Nurses move softly on sensible shoes. Doctors are herd beasts and clatter on hooves. Patients are territorial, and so never move.

Home again, home again

The kid and I are home in Canberra again, although we had rather expected to be in Melbourne this evening after a week in Sydney.

My appendix had different views. The kid was not impressed to see another holiday spoiled by rushing-to-hospitalness, but pleased it was not him being rushed to hospital for a change.

It feels pretty good having no appendix.

Family, a speech by Benjamin Law

Benjamin Law gave the keynote speech at the Family Relationship Services Association Conference this year. I think you should all go and read it. I hope Crikey lets you read it for free.

I went to that conference last year, but this year I didn't. Rotten timing.

Nothing to report

The thing about not catching the bus is that I don't think of random things to think about as much. I am at home or somewhere I like instead, so I think about that, and then I do it instead of blogging about it.

I am, fingers crossed, going to be doing some children's book stuff next year. Wish me luck (and good organisational skills).