School fete - lemonade spider, sausage inna bun, chucking tennis balls at formula cans, kicking soccer ball into plastic goals, chocolate cake, chupa chup, guess the number of lollies inna jar and tombola.
Thank you school. As well as providing a fine education for my child you have now taught me what tombola is.
All those years of reading E. Nesbit and Enid Blyton couldn't do it.
Disappointingly tombola does not involve chucking anything or toppling lumps of stuff. And you don't have to sing 'Yes, we have no bananas' or 'I've got a luvverly bunch of coconuts'.
Also, no one bought our plate of double chocolate chip cookies at the cake stall, despite the fact that we followed the marketing advice of The People Watchers and labelled them super deluxe chocolate cookies with extra chocolate. Well, whoever took them home for free at the tragic end of the day got lucky. They are the best home made biscuits ever and are irresistible to anyone with even a vague fondness for chocolate. The recipe is in Bill Granger's Simply Bill cookbook. Go and make them - you cannot fail and you will scarf a lot more than you expect. Also you can easily freeze half the dough and cook it later if you don't want to scarf too many biscuits all at once.
But still, they will always be the biscuits of rejection to us. The Noodle says we are to make chocolate cupcakes with brightly coloured sprinkles next year. Or caramel slice.